CRAIGSLIST -- Home Exchange

I'm addicted to Craigslist; I look at it every day. I love the Celebrity Gossip forum where I find out what the stars are doing to each other and what ordinary people think about it. Of course I love the Food and Travel forums, and when I have problems with my computer I consult the geeks on the Computer forum who come forth with solutions while insulting each other without mercy.

The forums not only provide interesting information they’re an enjoyable source of crazy talk, idiocy, rants and foolishness that whacky people hurl at each other from behind shields of anonymous login monikers.

I also buy and sell things on Craigslist and have found wonderful people to sublet my apartment for months at a time, who have paid the rent and taken good care of my place. Of course, I do credit checks and check references carefully.

Craigslist is a gold mine for people like me who have beautiful apartments in prime locations and lucky housing karma. Not only do I sublet I also swap homes, which I can only describe as the best of all possible worlds.

A couple of years ago I swapped my apartment with a Swiss couple who wanted to tour America and visit their daughter in West Hollywood. They offered their home in a palace on Lake Lucerne in Switzerland. The 19^th. Century palace had been converted into luxurious apartments containing many original features: fabulous woodwork and floors, antiques and a marble terrace overlooking Lake Lucerne and snow-capped Alps.

Their luxurious two-bedroom apartment had a brand new stainless steel kitchen, beautiful art, shelves filled with books and music; it had wireless DSL and a fine marble desk in front of huge picture windows with a view of the lake and mountains. I spent two glorious months bopping around the Swiss countryside, meeting interesting people, and working on a rewrite of my book in front of the picture window; my exchangers were happy to be in my apartment, and we took good care of each other’s homes.

I’ve also swapped homes with people in Key West, Lyons (France), Corsica, London, New Orleans, and most recently in San Francisco.

A few weeks ago I found an ad in the Home Swap section of Craigslist from a couple who wanted to exchange their magnificent Victorian mansion in the Haight district in San Francisco for a place in Los Angeles where they were expecting their first grandchild. A few emails and telephone calls established that they were honest people—a retired doctor and an art dealer—experienced home-swappers, and the deal was made for a ten day exchange.

The home in San Francisco exceeded all expectations, filled with beautiful furniture, art, books, music, and a kitchen straight out of House and Gardens. It also had a lovely garden with a hot-tub, and if all that wasn’t enough, a VW Beetle for my use.

Like I said, and my friends agree, I have great home-exchange karma – knock on wood.

I didn’t get much time to enjoy the house, however, since I spent the better part of my days playing goo-goo ga-ga with my little eighteen month old grandson, Nico, who is a walking dynamo of pure energy, God bless him, poo-poo-poo. The kid exhausted me running around his parents’ apartment, throwing every toy across the room, banging things, dancing to music, reading books, playing in the park, and his favorite activity: eating Chinese food, lots of it.

At the end of the day it was so nice to return home to my peaceful quiet mansion in the Haight, soak in the hot-tub, and, unlike Nico’s parents, sleep blissfully through the night and wake up for a leisurely breakfast in the garden. I was the happiest grandma in town.

Home exchange, when you get it right, is a win-win situation, and Craigslist is the place to go for it.

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REPLY TO TARA

To: Tara Blyth, Director of Public Relations, Kamut International, Great Falls, MT

Dear Tara,

Yes, kamut is indeed wheat, as we discovered as we rushed to the ambulance that would take us to the emergency room. Luckily Claudius had a snort of something that fixed Minerva up in no time and we sent them away. Clarissa, who is a lawyer, offered to sue Terracina for the mistake, but Minerva wouldn’t hear of it, fearing that Terracina, who is her agent, wouldn’t call her anymore for auditions. Meanwhile, Aloysius, a closet food snatcher, inadvertently ate some garlic mistakenly slathered on bread in the refrigerator and started to burp and belch, turning red as a beet, while compulsively singing operatic arias. Cornelius pulled out half his hair when he discovered the cauliflower soup was made with meat broth and started hallucinating. He swore he saw God. Thinking it was white chocolate, Clarissa grabbed a piece of cheese off a plate that wasn’t meant for this dinner and blew up like a balloon, which made her otherwise anorexic body look rather healthy. The Smiths went home to check on the baby-sitter, whom they discovered in flagrant delecti with their neighbor’s teenage son, who was using the tofu as a sex aid.

I took out my notebook and tried to interview all the participants for the WeHoNews, but they didn’t have much to say as they were too busy gargling with mouthwash, poking fingers down their throats, practicing yogic breathing, and reciting incantations to ward off the evil food gods.

Dominick shoed us all out the door and told us not to come back until we were all healthy.

As for me, I loved the kamut pasta salad and asked Terracina for the recipe which she wouldn’t part with as she’s entering the dish in a contest in order to become a top chef on the Food Channel.

Thank you for you letter.

Sincerely,

TheLadyUpstairs aka... The Macroneurotic

Reaction to Kamut

The following letter was sent to the editor of the WeHoNews, after the publication of my story: Potluck in La La Land, under the byline, Confessions of a Macroneurotic.

Dear Editor,

Re: Kamut Grains & Confessions Of A Macroneurotic: WeHo Potluck - Monday, June 2, 2008

From: Tara Blyth, Director of Public Relations, Kamut International, Great Falls, MT

Greetings, I stumbled upon your online news for West Hollywood and enjoyed it immensely (since I live in Montana, WeHo is like another world to me).

The following letter excerpt made me giggle… “Terracina is making a non-dairy (Clarissa's allergy), non-garlic (Aloysius's no-no), non-meat (Cornelius's thing), and non-wheat (Minerva's allergy) kamut pasta salad and chocolate covered strawberries.”

However, I do have an obligation to point out that the Kamut brand IS wheat. It is an ancient variety of wheat (originally from Egypt) that is grown in Montana and Canada.

I try (unsuccessfully most times) to explain that Kamut grain is wheat whenever I see/hear otherwise. So please let “Minerva” know that she is eating wheat.

Thanks for listening to my spiel.

Tara

The editor at WeHoNews was thrilled to find a reader in far away Montana, and I, dear readers, am happy she spelled my name right.

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