FOR A PARK
waiting for fiber optics? You can relax
now. Your very own Macroneurotic is launching
a new business -- venture capitalists please take note. This
will be a carrier pigeon service, AKA Carol’s Cold-Blooded Carriers (CC-BC). Our service is designed for people carrying
on illicit love affairs, secret committee meetings, and/or engaged in private
conversations with politicians, wink wink.
pigeons deliver messages anywhere on land, on sea, or in the air. Whatever message you want kept secret, we can
handle it. Our birds are swift and tell
no tales, even when tortured by the likes of Donald Trump.
CC-BC fleet can fly over the highest walls & through barbed wire fences;
they carry no viruses nor can they be hacked.
Our secret revolutionary encryption method (© ™®) is simple: we break
your message into three parts and use three pigeons flying three different
routes, so even if they get one bird, what are the chances of catching all
& gentlemen: this is the most secure secret message transmission method
that exists today; better than Apple, who by their own admission could create a
back door if they wanted to. Our pigeons
have no back doors; they’ve got wings and tails and they know how to fly. Best of all, they reach destinations without
use of the internet or PG&E.
ask about our soon-to-be-released highly skilled trained flock of drone pigeons
who carry remote controlled cameras & other surveillance appliances –
latest technology, of course.
pigeons will always nod in agreement; they are proud to please.
NEWS (JANUARY) BUT GOOD HISTORY – MEA CULPA
GUILTY! What did I say about
entertainment in Vallejo? You just can’t
beat a Tuesday night special meeting of the City Council for high drama. On one of those nights earlier this year, in the raw painful wake of exposing
committee for helping Orcem & VMT dredge the river), I watched a series of
events that could have been lifted right out of a Hollywood movie.
how it went: a certain ex-vice mayor committed a lengthy tearful
reverse-auto-da-fe, denying guilt over and over, all the while refusing to
apologize, pleading with the peanut gallery to feel sorry for him, telling us
we could not possibly imagine what it feels like to sit up on that stage and be
publicly vilified for more than four and a half hours, for something of which
he is completely innocent.
felt no pity for the fellow, and besides, nobody asked him. His tirade showed up at the start of the
meeting like a bat out of hell; out of order and off the wall, but no one
stopped him. He simply had to get it off
his chest. He’ll probably play that
monologue in his mind for a long long time.
I wonder if late at night he watches re-runs of that meeting when the
citizens of Vallejo accused him of wrong-doing, over & over like strokes of
a whip. Does he feel like Capt. Queeg?
was I moved by the blonde at the end of the table who also elicits pity; she’s
really so sweet, and her golden locks sparkle under the spotlights. What I imagine about her is she just does
what she’s told. Anyone out there get a
of all, for me, Miss Katie, who took the same ethics course for Public
Officials that I did, and repeated the words I’d directed at the mayor only one
week before: the perception of wrong doing in the eyes of the people is enough
to make you guilty. Whatever he’d done
to make so many people mad enough to come down to city hall on a cold blustery
night in the middle of winter and tell him about it, is wrong and he should not
do it even if he thinks it’s right. That
ethics course, incidentally, taught that the consequences of such wrong-doing
could be fines, jail time, and public humiliation, but there was no talk of the
first two in our city hall under the watchful eye of our legal hawk.
the public spoke: a homeless mother of six addressed the council; claimed a
city employee hung up on her when she asked for help. No one knew what to say. As she walked back to her seat the silence in
the house was deafening.
got worse. The lover of cement factories
on precious waterfront property put in his two cents, and it was all we could
do to remain in our seats. He accused us
of being against business, and not interested in what’s good for Vallejo. I bowed my head and hissed. Yes, I did.
own brilliant AC, the best, most eloquent, intelligent & informed citizen
activist in town, and my own personal heroine, was vilified for characterizing
Filipino people as being “respectful of the law,” a quality she found lacking
in a council woman who’s ever-changing lipstick colors I always find
was a well-spoken MMD owner who told the council that the secret committee
meetings had destroyed all her respect for our government and they had lost the
trust of the people.
got up & told the Vallejo City Council we the people were fed up seeing the
same 4 – 3 votes on motions; time and time again, the same people voting
together the same way. We also don’t
like that they don’t get along among themselves, let alone with the likes of
who should have been vice-mayor but lost in a 4-3 vote, suggested the council
create an ad-hoc committee and hold open discussions about the recent debacle
in order to learn how to do better and try to regain the public’s trust. The mayor said it would be wasting time
making new rules & regulations when we already had perfectly good ones in
place. When it was pointed out that he
himself had broken the rules he called that “a mistake,” and even excused the
blond at the end of the table for making the same mistake.
what my ex-husband called it when I caught him cheating. A mistake.
the city manager advised the mayor to do what the good councilman suggested,
which must have really bugged his honor big time seeing as how he and the
white-haired knight are always duking it out up there on the dais in front of
the hoi-polloi. I wonder how they behave
when we’re not around.
was embarrassed when our legal eagle corrected one of our most outspoken
activists, who’d given the impression that his website, exposing the secret
committee, had been pulled by the city staff when it had not. I’m not happy with him because I want us to
be better than that. Ditto about the
recall efforts, which I’m glad to see have come to an end – for whatever
reason. There was something insidious
about that movement & I’m glad it’s over.
And who could ever forget screaming like a banshee at the mayor. Puleeze!
got to be better than that. We’re on the
side of right and must maintain the high standards we require of our leaders. Here I am bashing my friends and colleagues so
I need to say something about myself to cut me down to size & put me in my
place. OK. I confess to a weakness for bad boys; smart
ones; preferable sharp dressers. Nuff