POT-LUCK DINNER PARTY IN LA-LA LAND

I send regular missives to friends who live in other countries and in other parts of this country, telling about my travels, the unusual people I meet and far-out places I visit: from the deep-forest naked primitive cultures in Irian Jaya to the colorful bustling markets in Calcutta and three-star food palaces in France. I try to show how people live in ways different from our own.

Among my many amateur anthropological observations of fascinating customs and cultural practices around the world, I believe the letter quoted below sums up a picture of life in la la land like no essay or photos possibly could.

Here then is my latest missive, sent to friends in Japan, Singapore, India, Australia, Indonesia, Canada, France, England, Ireland, Italy, Switzerland, Sweden, Chicago, Florida, New York, San Francisco, Detroit, Las Vegas, and beyond….

Let the word go out.

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To my friends all over the world who might sometimes wonder what’s going on in La La land, I am enclosing a copy of an email letter that arrived in my mail box this morning. I’ve changed the names—except my own—to protect the innocent. (Is there a more appropriate word than innocent in this case?)

What follows is a true and exact copy of this email which I am sending with Dominick’s permission. I had to ask Dominick for a signed release because of copyright protection, and I’ve already stared to write a screen play and TV sitcom about this event. Looking for an agent, studio, director, musicians, money... Well that’s another Hollywood story.

Here’s the letter in all its glory:

Hi All,

Clarissa and I are looking forward to seeing all of you on Friday to celebrate the impending nuptials of Minerva and Claudius, and Aloysius's birthday. Shall we say 7pm?

Terracina is making a non-dairy (Clarissa's allergy), non-garlic (Aloysius's no-no), non-meat (Cornelius's thing), and non-wheat (Minerva's allergy) kamut pasta salad and chocolate covered strawberries.

Clarissa and I are making a vegan ice cream or vegan cupcakes, a roasted chicken, and a yellow cauliflower soup (which does have meat).

Carol, can you make a salad (with no wheat, garlic, dairy or meat)?

Smiths, would you like to bring a vegetable with tofu?

Aloysius, Minerva and Claudius -- you are officially absolved from all food bringing duties.

See you soon!!!

Dominick


Can I make a salad without wheat, garlic, dairy, or meat? How about some salt-free tofurkey with soyanaise and alfalfa sprouts, or just plain nuts anyone???

Please don’t tell my friends but I’m going out for some barbecued spare-ribs with baked beans, sweet potato fries and spicy coleslaw before dinner.

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NEAPOLITAN MEATBALLS (Polpette all Napoletana)
From MOLTO ITALIANO, by Mario Batali

MAKES 12 TO 15 MEATBALLS.

3 cups 1-inch cubes of DAY OLD BREAD
1 ¼ pounds GROUND BEEF
3 large EGGS, lightly beaten
3 cloves of GARLIC, minced
¾ cup freshly grated PECORINO ROMANO CHEESE
¼ cup finely chopped ITALIAN PARSELY
½ cup PINE NUTS, toasted
½ teaspoon SALT
½ teaspoon freshly ground BLACK PEPPER
¼ cup EXTRA-VIRGIN OLIVE OIL

1. In a shallow bowl, soak the bread cubes in water to cover for 20 minutes. Drain the bread cubes and squeeze out the excess moisture.
2. In a large bowl, combine the bread, beef, eggs, garlic, pecorino, parsley, pine nuts, salt and pepper and mix with your hands just until blended. With wet hands, form the mixture into 12 to 15 large meatballs.
3. In a large heavy-bottomed skillet, heat the olive oil over high heat until almost smoking. Add the meatballs, working in batches if necessary to avoid overcrowding the pan, and cook, turning occasionally, until deep golden brown on all sides, about 10 minutes per batch.
Remove from heat.

Serve over freshly cooked, preferably home-made pasta.