UN-REAL ESTATE

     I didn’t love the house enough, and withdrew my offer. I did love the location, however, and still hope to become part of that cool neighborhood with its singing community. People tell me there’ll be more houses on the market when spring comes.  But the experience of watching inspectors crawl around under the foundation looking for termites made me wonder: do I really want to deal with such things as dry-rot, mold, fungus, drainage, and termites… at my age?? 

     At a friend’s suggestion I went to look at a gated community of luxury condos a few miles from the center of town, but when I got there kept thinking I’d gone to the wrong place.  I thought I was in Disneyland or Las Vegas; everything so phony and pretentious, with faux plaster statues and fountains, mausoleum-like slabs of marble in the kitchens, massive carved walls of dark cabinetry, a la mad King Ludwig, to house the 8 foot flat-screen TV, giant four-poster beds, decked out with tassels and braids and enough overstuffed fancy pillows for a Russian Queen, and piped in music of Bach, Mozart, Beethoven and Strauss, after whom the condos are named.  I kept looking for slot machines inside the cavernous walk-in closets.   

     When I asked who designed it, the Barbie sales person announced with pride that she herself created the color schemes and interior designs, which you could only change after you bought the home, and that it was inspired by a palace in Vienna (name withheld to protect the palace).  But I want to tell you I’ve seen that palace in Vienna, and, believe me, this was no palace in Vienna.   

     Been through two realtors, so far.  The first lost me because another offered to do the job for less than half the fee.  But he turned out to be not right for me (don’t ask), so I’m on to number 3, one of many recommendations given by friends.  It seems that everyone in Vallejo either is or has a favorite realtor. 

     I’ve learned that outside real-estate vultures swooped into Vallejo when it lay dying from the busted bubble and relapsed into bankruptcy.  Prices went down the toilet and they bought up everything they could sink their claws into.  And, they’re holding on, collecting rent, not caring for their properties, unconcerned about their tenants; just waiting for prices to rise.  Absentee landlords are blamed for a lot of the problems in Vallejo – but not all.   

     And there are the flippers, who buy, fix and sell fast.  It’s so profitable I keep thinking I should do that too, but then I remember I know nothing about this business, and had better stick to my own onions. 

    So, for the month of January, I’m renting a room in a beautiful Victorian house on Kentucky Street.  Had I found this house myself I would have bought it.  I even made an offer to my landlady, who laughed at me; her house has more than doubled in value since she bought it in 2010.   

     Today was the first day I went drove around Vallejo without my GPS and guess what?  I got lost.